Merry Christmas

I was talking with a friend the other day and he happened to mention that he has gotten on here and read this blog a couple of times.  He told me that there was alot of fluff but not much substance in my writings.  My comment back to him was I was just trying to spread some cotton candy around.  There might not be much substance to my musings but I enjoy getting some words out of my head.  Last night I drove with my 17 yr old up to Ogden to pick up my 14 yr old daughter from her mother.  during our drive he told me about his plans to become a hermit and live in the mountains of Wyoming.  I told him good luck.  I think what he really wants to do is go in the military and in my opinion that is a good choice.  I remember when I was his age I really didn't have any idea what I would do for my future and working in the aerospace industry never even crossed my mind yet here I am 20 years later content with my choices. 

I smoked some chicken brats the other day that I had made and I was quite happy with how they turned out.  Tomorrow I'm smoking 15 pounds of honey cured bacon I have had in the fridge for a week curing and all I asked my wife to get me for christmas was a nice big brisket.  I think I am addicted to this cooking thing I do know that it really gives me great pleasure to cook for other people. 

I also wanted to wish any one who reads this blog a merry Christmas.  I am a Christian and I believe in Christ so to me this time of year brings out some very personal feelings for me and I am grateful for the opportunity to share these feelings with my family and friends and anyone else who would listen.  I love my Savior and am humbled that He would take the time to listen to me and to help me like He does. 

Have I told you lately?

Have I told you lately how difficult Christmas is for me?  The anxiety and stress levels just rise like crazy for me when I start to think of the financial burden and the feeling that I am inadequate.  I'm sure that I should go to counseling for this.  Maybe there is a phobia out there that I can say I belong to.  I know that my children don't require much and this feeling of inadequacy comes from me but I just can't help it.  My wife and I are pretty lucky to have the kids we do.  They are some of the most mature and responsible children I have ever been around and I'm pretty sure I am biased about it but aren't you supposed to be when it comes to your children?  I was explaining my feelings to Alisha the other day and she gave me some wonderful advice.  Here it is in its purest form: "don't worry about it".  Now seriously how could I go wrong with that kind of advice!  I took it to heart and for the last few days I have tried to change my thoughts and feelings about this time of year and I have finally come to a conclusion.  I suck at change. 

Last night my 17 yr old son, Keaton, had a choir concert at the high school.  he is a pretty good singer and while Alisha and I were sitting there listening it took me back to my high school days when I sung in the
a cappella choir.  I went to Bear River High School and Carl Ashby was our director.  I loved that class and when I looked at my son up there singing he looked so much like me when I was his age.  I had alot of good friends and experiences in choir and I am grateful for the experiences.  Maybe I need to be more grateful for all that I have.

Isn't that what this season is all about?  Being thankful for what you have and who you have in your life instead of worrying about being inadequate...  hmmm, I guess I have more things to think about.  If I don't get on here before christmas let me say merry christmas or happy holidays to anyone that reads this.  And to my wife that I know will read this, you have made my life complete.  Enjoy the diamond earrings that will be under the tree. 

Excellent pickles!

It's lunchtime again and my sweet wife put a baggie of pickles in that she had made.  I really love dill pickles but sometimes they are pretty strong from the store the ones she made are just right.  I guess all she did was make the brine and drop the cucumbers in and put them in the fridge.  they have been in the fridge now for at least 2 months and they just get better and better.  they are nice and crispy with just the right flavor.  cudos to her for making them.  We had a good thanksgiving spent with most of my brothers and sisters and nephews and nieces and their kids.  the family is sure getting big!  We had a nice relaxing weekend and I smoked some ribs and garlic on saturday.  I do believe that I have really gotten my use out of the smoker.  We sure missed Tylen and Chase though.  I don't really have any profound thoughts today as I have been swamped at work.  I'm just grateful to be here and being able to share my thoughts.  have a great day I know I will!

Potato chips and chestnuts

I'm sitting here at work on my break eating potato chips.  I really like the salt and vinegar ones the best.  I go in cycles for potato chips and it is starting to come back to eating them for break again.  Kind of like the trend for clothes.  My daughter Cambrie is all about the 80's style of clothing I just hope it doesn't get out of control too much because there were some really bad styles in the 80's.  Last night I decided that I wanted to roast some chestnuts, you know you hear it all the time in christmas songs so we went and bought some and I followed the instructions in a recipe I found online.  Cameron wouldn't touch them but I really liked the flavor except they were pretty dry.  Maybe I cooked them too long but Alisha really liked them and she ended up taking them to work today to snack on.  I think tonight I will boil or steam the others and see how they turn out.  I talked to my mother today all the way to work, that is a treat that I get once in a while.  We don't really talk about much but I have to say that she is the best mom out there.  I'm pretty lucky to have her still.  My dad passed away last year and that was tough so I am doing all I can to let my mom know how much I love her.  I want to make sure that she knows that.  Ok, break is over, gotta go

Snow and all that good stuff

I left for work this morning in darkness and falling snow.  this time of year seems to bring on some melancholy feelings and no shortness of anxiety for the holiday season.  I pray the kids understand this year is extremely tight moneywise and christmas will be spare.  I look forward to the time where I can enjoy the holiday season without feeling like a failure in the gift giving arena.  Is it possible to enjoy the holiday season?  I'm sure there have been holidays that I have enjoyed before but this morning I am short on holiday memories.  Ok, I take that back.  I do have one holiday memory that I will always remember and cherish and it has nothing to do with giving of gifts.  It's a selfish memory I guess because it's a memory of getting a gift.  My sweet wife bought me a smoker for christmas and I have cooked to my hearts content.  I think that was the best gift I have ever been given.  There is nothing better in my book than hearing the kids ooohh and aaaahh over ribs I have smoked or turkeys or canadian bacon.  I love cooking for anyone that will eat my finished product.  I smoked a turkey the other day for Alisha's friend from work, that was a good day.  I hope that some day my children will come to me and tell me how grateful they are for all the holidays that Alisha and I tried our best to provide for, that will make the holidays more meaningful I think.  Not that they haven't mind you they have.  Alisha and I have been blessed with the best kids with great attitudes and always a positive attitude it's just me that feels the anxiety of providing.  Maybe I have that seasonal affective disorder I have heard about where you get depressed as the seasons change.  I don't think that I am depressed just getting ready to hibernate.  I do have one more thing to say though then I will stop.  Even though Christmas has been so commercialized and turned into a "feeding frenzy" I don't ever forget how important the Savior is for this time of year and in my life, I'm glad to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and grateful for the opportunity to raise a family.  Now let's go get some hot chocolate. 

Torn

Do you ever feel like you don't do enough or don't do the right things?  Those are my feelings this morning.  As I have explained earlier in my ramblings I have been working on the hot tub.  Seriously I think this hot tub has taken over.  What I really should do is light it on fire but I can't seem to bring myself to admit that it has kicked my butt. It has become my own little personal obsession.  In reality all I have left to do is to glue some hoses together and hook the electrical back up but if you were to ask my family it has taken over.  Like tonight for instance.  My sweet wife wanted to go to dinner and a movie but I want to work on the hot tub.  I knew I stepped in it the moment I said that but I feel a sense of urgency to finish the hot tub due to the weather and that tomorrow I have already committed to smoking a turkey for one of my wife's friends. I hope that she will understand.  Maybe now you will understand why I am feeling the way I am.  Marriage is a fickle thing really, you take two people with two different mind sets and views of how life should be and stick them together in a house and say "make it work".  My first marriage didn't work, or maybe I should say we didn't work "together" but this 2nd marriage really seems to mesh.  As Alisha would say "just do as you are told and you will be fine".  Which of course leads me back to feeling like I haven't done the right things.  At the end of the day the only things we should ask ourselves is did I learn or grow, and how did I treat others.  I believe that if I follow those two things then I have accomplished something.  Alisha thank you for being my wife and sticking with me through all the obsessive moments I have.  I think dinner and a movie would be great!   

hot pockets for lunch

I bought some hot pockets for lunch today.  I like hot pockets but I don't think they are very healthy for you.  My kids will say that I'm not very healthy oriented but you have to try when you can don't you?  This last week has been killer.  Almost literally...  Work has been stressful and fast paced.  It seems that when one problem comes up it is accompanied by brothers and sisters.  The next thing you know there is a family reunion on your desk.  And to top it all off my boss wants to talk to me after lunch.  Nothing good ever comes from talking to my boss.  he's a nice guy and I don't have any problems with him but I get so nervous about the whole thing that I can't hardly think straight til it's over.  Then afterwards I wonder why I got so nervous.  Its a cycle my crazy what the heck is wrong with me cycle. 

I have been working on our hot tub for what seems like years but has only been this summer.  I have replaced fittings and hoses a control panel, jets and Cameron sanded and stained the outside 4 times.  We got it filled a couple weeks ago and life was good....  then the concrete under it started getting wet.  Now that just drives me crazy because I have filled it and ran the jets for a week before I put chemical in it.  I even put it up on blocks to see if it was leaking before I really got serious about using it.  I had no leaks and everything looked good but while I was testing it it wasn't heated due to a bad breaker that needed a ground wire.   Long story short, I am assuming that when the tub was heated up the crack opened up even more and started leaking.  I bought some blue dye a couple days ago and ran that through the tub for a day then yesterday afternoon I had Keaton and Cameron drain it and when I got home I disconnected all the electrical and we slid it out onto the lawn and lifted it up to work on it again.  It is presently on it's side with the bottom exposed and we dug out the foam where the blue dye was showing.  The weather was good yesterday but it's supposed to get real cold this weekend so we blew all the lines out with my compressor and vaccumed everything out we could.  I don't think that it will freeze at all but we did find the leak.  I had already replaced one of the fittings on the other side of the tub but this one is not going to be easy.  I have to order parts today and hopefully we can fix it quickly. 

Another problem that I haven't mentioned is the alternator on my wife's 4 runner.  She was in the parking lot at work and her alternator gave up the ghost.  I didn't know that alternators could go so quickly.  I thought that they were like an alkaline battery you know, just kind of peter out.  Checker Auto has a new one in stock so tomorrow that's my project.
 

It's a Monday

Usually I don't mind Mondays.  To me it's just another day of the week but today I wasn't looking forward to work knowing how much I have to do but I have gotten quite a bit done.  I went golfing with Tex on Saturday at wasatch mountain over in Midway.  I wasn't too excited about it because I had so much to do at home but as we played I started relaxing and when I was done I decided I really needed that.  I beat him and took home the trophy that he had made for play between he and I.  That made it even better.  I think that that will be the last game of the year because it's supposed to snow tonight.  That really sucks.  I filled the hot tub up again in preparation to treat the water again and it's still leaking.  now that really discouraged me.  I have a decision to make now do I leave the leak and not worry about it til spring or do I get some of the blue dye that is offered on the website that I frequent for parts and try to fix it.  It isn't leaking that fast, maybe an inch a week but I am concerned about ice buildup.  Of course I can put ice melt on the area all the time.  I guess the decision will depend on the weather forcast this next week.  Keaton, Cameron and I can have the leak fixed quick once we find it but it will turn off real cold this week and I don't want it to freeze.  tonight I am making chicken brats.  I have to get that done soon as well.  Ok, work is calling and I have to go. 

my thoughts exactly!

I woke up this morning with a dog curled up around my head.  It was disconcerting to hear Willy breathing in my ear and thank goodness that he just had a bath!  Willy (short for William G) is one of our dogs.  Davidson is the other dog and they are both Yorkshire Terriers.  Willy is 2 1/2 and Davidson is 1 1/2 and how we ever lived without them I don't know.  The two of them have worked their way into our hearts and lives and they are there to stay.  While I was getting ready this morning I thought about the unconditional love the dogs have for Alisha and I and it led me down a mental path of self evaluation to see where I stood in my unconditional love for my wife.  If you haven't noticed already I am a talker and sometimes I think I overwhelm Alisha with my thoughts.  I need to make sure that my actions though match the words that I say to her.  It just doesn't cut it when you say "I love you" then show something different.  I called my brother while I was driving to work and bounced these ideas off of him and he agreed with me.  Maybe I inspired him to go home and evaluate his relationship with his wife.  Anyway that's what was on my mind this morning.  I picked up another crock for making sauerkraut hopefully this one won't leak.  I think the one I bought for Alisha leaks a little.  There is always pickle juice in the fridge under the crock!  I have had alot of stuff to do at work today but I am taking a little bit of time to write this.  With all the part numbers that I have rolling around in my head sometimes I have to stop just to get everything straight!  Ok, that's about it for now.  I might write a little later but for now there is work to be done. 

another day another dollar

The boys and I accomplished all we set out to do last night, namely prepared the camp trailer for winter.  When I got my first trailer I was pretty worried about making sure the pipes were cleaned out and the trailer was ready for the cold, but after having one for so many years it's like second nature now.  Isn't that the way it is with everything?  you start something new and sometimes the fear of doing something new can almost overwhelm you but you go ahead and do it anyway.  The satisfaction of overcoming that fear and being able to look back and realize that what you are doing is like second nature now is very fulfilling.  I remember when I first got my smoker for Christmas, (thanks Alisha you are the best) I tried to smoke some whole chickens in it.  they hadn't been in there for half an hour and when I went to check on them there were flames coming out of the top!  I shut everything down and pulled out the blackened chicken.  It had gotten so hot it had burned the paint off the back wall on the outside.  I ended up sanding it down and repainting it and it is still something that I have to touch up once in a while with that high temp paint.  Now, 4 years later smoking has turned into something more than a hobby.  it's almost my obsession and at this time of year all I can think about it what kind of meat can I smoke or process or bottle.  I"m grateful for my family that allows me to use them as guinea pigs for all my cooking adventures and my Father in Heaven that helps me overcome my fears. 
ok yeah I'm done being sappy.  my kids call me Sappy Sam whenever I get sick and get drugged up.  The other project I have been working on is my hot tub.  The dumb thing keeps leaking and I can't find the leak so I added a bottle of fix a leak that is supposed to be the next best thing to sliced bread so I am hoping that this saturday when I refill the tub after letting it cure that I can sit back and eat a slice of bread and say good on ya fix a leak.  I can hope. 
I have a friend that I call Tex.  he's a pretty cool guy and I have known him for 20 plus years now.  He and I have alot in common and this weekend he is coming up to play some golf before the snow flies then I talked him into making some chicken and sun dried tomato sausage with me.  Did I say that I like to make things???  10 pounds of chicken thighs and the freezer will get some new additions to it. 
Ok, I have rambled enough.  I told you that this was just a jumble of my thoughts that needed an outlet.  C ya

The first of many posts

I have been toying with the idea of a blog as a way for me to get my words out instead of talking my wife's ear off. So, here goes. it took me a while to come up with a name for the blog because you always want to sound like you know what you are talking about but in the end I was just happy with something to put up there. I'm sitting at work today on my lunch break and making a mental list of all that needs to be done tonight when I get home.  The boys and I are going to winterize the trailer while Alisha and Caroline finish canning the apples that we picked at my mom's house.  Alisha makes the best apple pie filling and I'm looking forward to using it for cobblers in the dutch oven.  oh yeah, if you haven't figured it out, Alisha is my wife.  we have 7 kids total.  the oldest, girl, is 21 and regrouping at home, two boys on LDS missions one in Paraguay, the other in Washington D.C.  A 17 yr old boy, a 15 yr old boy, a 14 yr old girl, and a 13 yr old girl.  I read other people's blogs on here and it's all about their little kids.  This blog will be a little different.  more about pretty random stuff.  I tend to get ideas in my head that I want to try namely foods and I run with it.  So far I think this is a pretty good start..  have a great day!